I’ve been Good to Life

I’ve been Good to Life   Recently I had opportunity to meet with someone I’ve not seen for about 12 years. When he saw me, he smiled and said, “You look great! Life has been good to you.” It has? I was under the impression that life has been a mixed bag of stress, joy, and deep disappointment, with a dash of happiness thrown in for flavor. At first I thought this was just a social pleasantry, but considering this man’s professional expertise and history with my ...

How to: Boundaries 101

How to: Boundaries 101 Like it or not, boundaries are a necessary part of life. Some boundaries are made for us, like state laws. Some laws are very effective and some are just funny. For example, it is illegal for anyone to cross the state line of Kansas with a duck on their head. Personal boundaries can be the same: they can be effective or effectively useless. Many people go through life feeling taken advantage of, unsafe, rejected or disrespected by certain people. These ...

How to: Self-care

How to: Self-care Taking care of myself, or as us therapists like to call it, Self-Care, can seem selfish to many, but is it really? Sometimes people will say, “I just need a break from life” or “I’ve had a really hard day” to excuse negative behavior like a spending spree, eating junk food, or treating loved ones poorly. This is not self-care. This is self-sabotage. It may feel good in the moment, but in the long run, it is hurtful to you ...

How To Forgive

How To Forgive If you haven’t read it already, check out my blog post The Surprising Truth about Forgiveness to make sure you have the proper foundation before embarking on this next post. Most of us understand that forgiveness is amazingly important. This one concept has the power to define who you are and direct the path of your life either by its presence or absence. Seems important to get it right then…right? I offer the following as my perspective on how to forgive. Self-Assessment The ...

How to Support Someone Who Has a Mental Illness

How to Support Someone Who Has a Mental Illness Educate Yourself. If you suspect a family member or friend has a mental illness or they told you they were diagnosed, learn as much as you can about the illness. Learn what causes it, for example, in depression serotonin levels are low, do you know what that means and how serotonin works in the brain? If not, look it up! Just by being there and loving them is a major help, and the first step is to know what their diagnosis ...

10 Ways to Make Your Husband Feel Like The Man!

10 Ways to Make Your Husband Feel Like The Man! Ever get tired of pouring into your husband? Admittedly, sometimes I get lazy in this area, and I think I’m not alone. Sometimes I feel like he is not pouring into me as much as I want, or I just plain don’t feel like he deserves it. Whatever my excuse to avoid giving him support, encouragement, love, and respect…it’s a bad one. He should always have these things from me. It is an unconditional gift I need to be giving ...

What To Do If You See Abuse

What To Do If You See Abuse This is a follow up to my blog about Domestic Violence. Read that, know the signs, then understand what you can do to help by reading below. Abuse is everywhere. One in every three women are abused sexually and that is a staggering number considering how the addition of statistics for physical and verbal forms of abuse would only increase that number. This is not a game and it’s not something to joke about. Sexual abuse doesn’t happen because they wore ...

How to Communicate: 101

How to Communicate: 101 By far the most critical issue married people say they have when they come to my office in Colorado Springs for help is, “we don’t know how to communicate.”   Although communication is a key factor in marriage, it typically is not the biggest issue. After a few sessions, we will usually discover that the issue lies much deeper, and the married couple finds themselves dealing with a bigger problem than they anticipated. Dealing with these foundational issues is the most ...

How to Communicate: Expressing Feelings

How to Communicate: Expressing Feelings The first and very important aspect of expressing feelings, explained in detail in THIS BLOG, is how to observe another without putting your own evaluations on it. One cannot communicate effectively without first listening to the others’ perspective. Once the other person feels understood, you will notice the intensity of emotion both in you and in them will be much less. The second part to successful communication is expressing your own feelings. This one can be difficult. I used to only ...

How to Grieve for the Oregon Shooting and so Much More

How to Grieve for the Oregon Shooting and so Much More On October 1st, 2015, ten young and beautiful lives walked into Oregon’s Umpqua Community College and never walked out. Ten lives, including the shooter, which had boundless potential for either great good or great destruction. It is easy to get mixed up in the flurry of opinions around the tragedy, yet we must recognize that the most important and heart breaking word of the previous sentence is the word “had”. The anger and pain of injustice scream within us because ...