Abusive Relationships: Closer than you think

Abusive Relationships: Closer than you think Abuse is a word that carries a lot of weight. When I think of abuse, I think of a little puppy who was left in a kennel for too long without food and water and looks sick with scurvy. When I think of abuse, I think of a little child who was sexually assaulted. Abuse does look like those things, but it looks a lot more familiar too. The definition of abuse is “any unwanted action taken against another person.” ...

Be Worthy of Your Sufferings

Be Worthy of Your Sufferings The Russian writer and philosopher Dostoyevsky once said, “There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.” We can recognize the weight of this idea easily enough, but when placed in the context of the holocaust (as it was in Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning), this thought becomes profound. Imagine being starved and beaten for months on end and still holding to this idea! Recently I had a less noble version of this ...

Real Men DO Cry

Real Men DO Cry Whether you heard it from your father, brother, friends, or society as a whole, every man has felt the pressure to hide his vulnerability, namely tears. Either intentionally or accidentally, mankind is taught the rules of the animal kingdom: show no pain, otherwise you are a target. Thus, pain, suffering, or the growth that results from breaking and then healing, is sorely undervalued. Since suffering looks like weakness, we men avoid it strongest since our gender is supposed to represent ...

Why Secondary Trauma Is A Big Deal

Why Secondary Trauma Is A Big Deal Grief is an all-encompassing word. It is an experience of loss. This loss can range from the death of a loved one, all the way to the death of an idea, or a hope. It is all loss. The kind of loss I want to talk about is called secondary trauma. Trauma is anything that we experience as life-altering or overwhelming. It can be something as “small” as finding out Santa Clause is not real (which could include finding out ...

When Life Feels Out of Control

When Life Feels Out of Control My life recently has felt out of control. Sometimes, things just throw me for a loop. A curve ball comes from nowhere, life gets very difficult, and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes life throws us difficult situations and we feel helpless, or even hopeless. A dear friend or family member dies, a child chooses to go in the wrong direction in life, chronic illness seems to debilitate no matter what one does, or one looses a job. Life ...

Mourning the Loss of What Could Have Been

Mourning the Loss of What Could Have Been Something didn’t happen to you. It could have been a mother’s warm embrace that never happened because she was too busy drinking. A marriage that didn’t have a “happily ever after” because it is now ending. A child that was still born instead of being vibrant and healthy. A friend that was not there for you when you needed them the most, leaving you without support. You lost something, and your hopes and dreams about what could have been are now ...

The Hurricane of Adolescence

The Hurricane of Adolescence Below is part of a chapter out of the book I am currently working on. I think we can all relate. Enjoy!   Adolescence can be seen like a massive hurricane (and for many of us, it was). This hurricane consists of two major tasks, 1) surviving the raging waters of new hormones and emotions, and 2) withstanding the screaming winds of our first taste of autonomy – independence and figuring out where we fit in the pecking order. If we were ...